So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
