You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
