Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize