Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
