capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
