My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
dude. I can hear the air.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
