We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
