End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
