Moan for me like Helen Keller
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
