it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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