youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
