sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
