i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
