Sry I called you an 8
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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