She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
