theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My pussy is not your playground.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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