i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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