We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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