So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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