if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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