This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i believe in u and ur pee
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize