Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
