***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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