I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
