I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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