I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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