Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
