this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you inspire me to be a worse person
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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