I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
