I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
