JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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