nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
