you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
