Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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