Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
