Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
