Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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