During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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