Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
