Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
