Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
