It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
