No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
