Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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