You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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