I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
