my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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