well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize