i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
