Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
