Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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