This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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