I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
