So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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