I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
