Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
