my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
