so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
