last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
