I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
