Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize