my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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