Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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