My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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