Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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