Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
