I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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