it hurts more in the daytime
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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