When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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